Politics & Culture

5 Potential Theories on the Azealia Banks, Grimes, and Elon Musk Saga

We dreamt up some far-out scenarios for what really went down at Musk Manor.
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You've definitely heard the story by now; Azealia Banks—the rapper best known for her very public and ugly social media feuds—posted a slew of accusations against Grimes and her ever-problematic boyfriend Elon Musk. Banks was staying at Musk's mansion over the weekend to record some songs with Grimes, but once she arrived, the "Art Angels" songstress was apparently too busy taking care of Musk, who Banks later claimed was high on LSD. 

"Staying at Elon Musks house has been like a real-life episode of "Get Out," Banks explained in an Instagram story. "Lol I waited around all weekend while Grimes coddled her boyfriend for being too stupid not to go on Twitter while on acid." 

The story goes that Musk surprised Wall Street last week when he announced on Twitter (while on acid) that he was going to take Tesla off the public market at $420 per share. Apparently, this idea wasn't that well thought out. Banks later noted that she overheard Musk "scrounging for investors" on a phone call.

Of course, the drama doesn't stop there. "They invited me here to stay and told me I couldn't bring my boyfriend...lol...it was probably some weird threesome sex shit to begin with," Banks added to her story, which then garnered a quick "I don't know her" via Musk. Mariah Carey would be proud. Maybe that explains it? IDK. 

While her thoughts were expressed in her usual no holds barred fashion (like calling Musk a "trash ass Beta male pig") there's no denying the value of Banks's candor and brutal honesty. However, the details of what really went down still remain foggy. So while we wait for a PR-concocted confirmation/denial, we've decided to round up a few theories of our own as to what really may have gone down. 

Theory 1: Grimes is actually trapped in a faux-lationship with Elon Musk so Azealia decided to step in. 

Sometimes it's hard to end things with a certain someone, especially when he's a member of the 1% of the 1%. Perhaps Banks is just backing her up? We could all use some support from a "friend" even if they call you a " dirty-sneaker-inbred-out of the woods-Pabst beer pussy methhead-junkie." 

Theory 2: All press is good press! Hopping on the Elon Musk hate-train is the perfect way to get people's attention for some upcoming music releases.

Maybe Grimes and Banks need a boost in record sales? Banks's recent single "Anna Wintour" has been doing pretty well, but she somehow always finds a way to garner more attention when it comes to beefing with other famous people. And as for the Canadian born Grimes, some unfamiliar with her work have only known her as Musk's girlfriend. Buy Art Angels on iTunes. 

Bear with us on this one. Maybe when Grimes and Musk presented Azealia with the invitation, she laughed in their faces whilst booking a seat on a commercial flight. And that must have made Mr. Musk sad, forcing Grimes to play the consoling girlfriend. After all, he does seem like the kind of guy who needs to be told he's pretty every day. 

Theory 4: Suprise! All of them were actually on LSD.

Where was the trip sitter?! What started as a fun-filled day quickly turned into a fucked-up mess that began as the three were sitting on a living room couch—all high on acid. Rather than explore the grounds of Musk Manor, Grimes decides to prepare some ceviche, while Musk angrily calls his scientists begging  yet again for a tiny submarine prototype. Feeling left out and forgetful, Azealia took to social media, documenting the strange trip and her inner hatred for her hosts. 

5. This whole story was completely made up and we willingly took the bait.

The simulation—as always—is wild! 

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